That Will Never Be Me

I remember working in our church nursery on Sunday mornings when I was growing up. I specifically remember one morning when a new mother was dropping off her child in the nursery for the first time. To my young eyes, she seemed hysterical. She was crying so hard and almost had to be dragged away by her husband, as she left her baby in the care of the nursery workers for the next hour or so. I remember thinking that I'd never react like that.

That scene has replayed in my mind a lot over the last few months, as I wondered how I'll handle leaving my baby for the first time. Knowing my personality and how I react to things, I didn't think it would be too bad. I figured I might be a bit sad, but would be just fine.

Last night, I got to find out for myself. I went to a card making night with some friends from work. I was looking forward to going, seeing some people again, and stocking up on some cards. Saying good-bye to Jaelyn and Scott wasn't too bad at all. No tears, I was doing great!

The workshop was three hours long. During that time, much of our conversation focused on babies. I was able to show off some new pictures of Jaelyn and share many of our experiences over the last two weeks. By the end of the second hour, though, I noticed my knee was bouncing, and I was starting to feel a little anxious. I couldn't seem to whip those cards together fast enough. I wanted...no I needed to get home to my baby. As soon as that final card was taped together, I was pretty much heading for the door. I'm not even sure I said a proper 'good-bye' to my friends that I was with (Sorry Ang and Tiff!).

As I left the house, I could feel a physical ache in my arms. Wishing for Jaelyn's little body to be nestled next to me. I drove home, reminding myself to watch the speed limit on the road...my foot felt like 100 pounds, forcing me to accelerate to get home faster. Of course I hit almost every red light and got behind every pokey driver on the road. It was almost torture!

When I finally made it home, I went straight for Jaelyn. She was content as could be, sitting in her daddy's arms. As soon as I saw her again and got to hold her, all was right in my world once again.

Though I wasn't in hysterics, I was surprised at my strong reaction to being away from her for so long. Makes me wonder what it will be like when I have to go back to work in April. I'll have to start praying for strength now.